It’s been a while since I’ve written for this blog. This is what happens. You tend to neglect your favorites, until one day you realize how important they are to you.
Well, that’s been the case with this blog. I started writing here about 12 years ago, sometime after my daughter was born. The idea was to write about edgy things, controversial topics and my thoughts. Random thoughts, or anything else.
It was a different time back then. I was entering my 30s and I found myself living as an expat in foreign land with a baby and no husband. I could’ve gone back home but I didn’t. I didn’t want to face the people, the questions. The pity party.
I also wanted to work. I wanted to work hard, and I wanted for my work to mean something. Oh I don’t know what I was hoping to achieve. Something, many things. I was so sure of my goals back then and so sure of what I wanted from life.
As it turns out, life has a funny way of laughing in the face of your goals. Needless to say, much has changed since then. In many ways, I almost don’t recognize myself. I know I’ve grown, as a person, as a mother and as a woman. While I may not have the misplaced anger any more within me, I feel better than ever.
My career didn’t turn out to be what I’d hoped. But in many ways, it’s not too bad. Sure, I didn’t become rich or famous, but I’ve lived a comfortable life and I’m smarter and wiser. After struggling for the past couple of years, I feel like I’ve finally found my calling. I’ve finally realized what I want to do.
I was never one to be a corporate slave for the rest of my life. I always knew in my heart that I wanted to start my own company – to help people, perhaps employ some people – most importantly to give back something to this community and this world. Even if it’s for just a limited number of people. If I can help a handful of lives, I know I can meet my maker with a smile on my face.
When I started my own firm in 2019, it was for the wrong reasons. It was to make money, and to feel powerful. While money and power are good goals, they were never my goals. So, I’m not sure where I got lost in the process. But I did.
This time, I’m not rushing into things. And while I still don’t know when I can start my own shop, all I know is that I will. This time I know better. This time I know who I want to help and how I want to help them.
This time, I’m not chasing the wrong goals. And most importantly, this time I’m not rushing into anything.
I know people say that your blog shouldn’t be a diary. But, this blog is a reflection of me. It’s the person I’ve been, the person I’ve become and it’s who I am.