Is closure overrated?

When I think of the word closure in the context of relationships, it takes be back to that episode in Friends where Rachel gets drunk on her blind date and calls Ross leaving a message. Somehow the whole thing seemed a lot funnier and definitely easier.

I’ve been in and out a number of relationships. Moving on never seemed to be such a difficult task. I did  have one instance where I remember it being difficult to move on. I think the reason was that I always wanted some perfect ending to that relationship. Somehow that didn’t happen. I did eventually move on. In fact, now we are good friends. I can’t remember how we crossed the line to being back to friends. But somehow, it happened.

The question then is, do you really need to have closure to move on? More importantly what gives you that closure? It could be a phone call (as in the case of the Friend’s episode) or it could be a final goodbye. It could also be a nasty fight, unpleasant things said and never wanting to see each other again. While that’s not ideal, it does bring closure.

What happens when there’s something in between? When you don’t define breaking it off and somehow things just start to fade. You stop speaking as much, you don’t see each other as much and somehow there’s nothing left in the relationship. Not getting closure can leave something lingering. It just seems there’s no finality to what happened. The truth is every story should have a beginning, a middle and an end. The ending has to be final. It can’t just be that you let things fade. It’s uncomfortable not to get closure. And what’s more uncomfortable is having to act like nothing ever happened.