Personal reflection

One of the main things I’ve missed out on doing during the last two months, is writing enough. Every few months I would make a promise of writing regularly and blogging. I wanted to expand my blog to something that would be well-received with researched content and interesting topics.

I’ve failed again.

When I had a full-time job, I know I was too mentally drained from the day’s work and the last thing I wanted to do was think again. So, I ended up spewing a few blog posts here and there. Most of them were only about myself or an opinion on something.

But I wanted to do so much more. During the last 9 years that I’ve been blogging on and off, there has been massive progress in the blogging world. People have moved on designing beautiful blog sites with content geared to help and impress people.

In 9 years, I could have made dent in the blogosphere but I didn’t. I didn’t work hard enough, and I always put it off until tomorrow.

I sound like a very flaky person but, most people will say I’m quite the opposite.

I am very disciplined when it comes to work and responsibilities that I have to fulfill. I don’t miss deadlines and I don’t renege on commitments. Yet here I am, never being able to stick to a commitment of writing because I have no obligation to do it.

Now that I have had a more flexible schedule for the last few months, I promised myself everyday that I would write. Even if it wasn’t anything substantial. But, I failed again.

I am letting myself be drawn into things that don’t pay me any money or add any value to my work. Just because I have a flexible schedule, people feel that they can put demands on my time, and I am always available. I am at fault here yet again. I haven’t created boundaries.

I spend about an hour every morning at Starbucks after I drop my daughter to school. A precious hour. An hour that I can use to organize my day and get some writing done. Yet, I let people encroach on this time too. I am distracted by my phone and people messaging me. This goes on for the entire day.

People think being a consultant means I’m a nomad and have no desk, so I don’t have any deskwork. Everyone has deskwork. There are emails to reply to, reports to write and research to be done. This is just the basic work. For me, I also have term sheets to put together and financial models to complete.

The bottom line is, I’m overwhelmed with the scale of work and dimensions of the work being thrown at me without getting paid.

I’ve even questioned whether I am cut out for running my own business at all.

I don’t want to give up. Not just yet and not so easily. I don’t mind the road being long and frustrating but, I do mind the fact that I’m not doing enough to make progress in my life. It really is my life and I need to have more control over my time.