I used to love writing. It was something I didn’t do as often but it was something I enjoyed. Lately, I’m not so sure anymore. I’ve begun to wonder whether writing really is for me.
I think it all started when I decided to write for an audience. When I started writing this blog, it was more to put my thoughts out into the world. Sure, I loved it when people liked or commented on my posts. But, I never felt the pressure to impress. A big reason for that was probably because I write this blog anonymously.
I started to gain followers and that was great but that was never a goal. I know a lot of people who probably came across a post or two through the WordPress reader and liked my posts. My goal was to write and not be too worried about how many people read my writing.
And then I started to take a serious crack at writing more. I started with Medium; this time with my real name. It went very well in the beginning. I got over a thousand views on just one article. With someone who’d gathered only 500 followers on WordPress over the years, I felt like I’d hit the jackpot.
Let me take a pause here and tell you that I am competitive by nature. My competitive streak however, runs only when there is a prize that’s worth my while.
So as I wrote more and more, I started to get competitive. I started to write every day in the hopes that I’d gather more followers and more viewers. After a while though, I realized that I was completely exhausted. I was writing just to keep the posts going but, I wasn’t really writing anything I liked.
Moreover, the competition wasn’t all that great. Quite possibly for the same reason. People wrote for the sake of writing but most of the posts carried no real thought.
I got so frustrated that I completely stopped writing, anywhere. And this made me think whether writing was really something I should be doing. The truth is, I don’t know anymore.
If writing is a burden, instead of a joy. I really don’t think I should be doing it. So I stopped. It’s not that I don’t like writing, it’s that I can’t let it be something that I have to do. It should rather be something that I want to do.