I worry about everything. And it feels like, the more I worry, the more things start to go wrong. 

Over the last few months, I’ve been trying to let go of this. I’ve managed to adjust to a lower salary, so I’m not worrying too much about money. 

I’ve started a regular newsletter and that’s going well. I’m trying to elevate my profile by appearing on podcasts, youtube interviews, and regular posting on LinkedIn. All small steps but, they seem to be working. 

All this aside from my full-time job during the day. So I have no real evenings and no weekends. And even though I don’t earn anything from my “side-hustle”, I can see the positive impact it’s having on my reach and my mental well-being even. 

But my two-year contract for my day job comes to an end in March and I may just be unemployed. It’s scaring me and I’m beginning to worry. 

I know that even if I try to monetize my “side-hustle”, it won’t reach the level I need to sustain my family. I’m a single parent and while I’m quite a qualified finance professional, nothing seems to be clicking. The only option I may have is to move back home while I look for a job. All this is scary…again. And I’ve begun to worry… again. 

I know that worrying won’t help and it will probably slow down my path even more. My brain tells me all of this but my heart tells me differently. I can’t seem to find that zen when I know so much could change in four months. 

I started a consulting business in 2019 but that was a bust. While I realize that I probably didn’t market myself enough, and there’s plenty I could do differently this time, I also realize that the basic problem of feast or famine remains. I need a more regular source of income. If I were on my own, it probably would’ve been different. 

I know we’re not meant to write blog posts like we’re writing our diary. But, this blog feels like a safe space to me. Not because I’m anonymous but, because the people I follow and the people who follow have always seemed kind. 

We all go through tough times and the last couple of years have been brutal for many. There are worse things in life to be worried about or be sad about. We’ve all lost family members, friends… people. Yet, there’s also the matter of survival when you are still alive. If that makes sense. 

This article is probably not inspirational, and it’s deeply personal. Sometimes we all get lost, and we just want to be heard.  I’m a very optimistic person but I’m also a realist. I can’t live without a plan if I know what probably lies ahead. 

I apologize if this was depressing; I hope to do better next time.