I’m so lethargic today…
It’s so humid today where I live. Seems like the winter is taking its time this year. I love that smell of winter in the air. Every morning I think may be today but nope!
Before long I suppose I will start complaining that it’s too cold.
It’s been ages since I’ve written anything. Not just here, but anywhere. I’ve stopped blogging, stopped journaling, stopped everything I ever did in my spare time. It’s all because it seems that I have no spare time. I’m so overwhelmed with work and life; I have no time for myself or for any of the things that I enjoy doing. I’m even finding it hard to find time to breathe. I think about how my days go by… like one day just rolls into the next and I feel a little lost in between.
There was a time when people called on the mobile or car phone only in an emergency. These days I feel people call with every little thought that pops into their head. To make matters worse, the conversation is never quick. You would think it would be, but it never is. People just don’t know when to stop. I find it hard to cut off people as well mid conversation. It’s not like I am not guilty of that either… talking on incessantly. But it’s only when I know we’ve settled in for a long conversation. Even then, I make an active effort to make sure and ask that I’m not keeping someone from something.
These days I’ve realized that answering every phone call means being disrupted and not being able to get work done. So I try to keep the phone ringer off and call back only when I’m done. Some people are decent, will ring once. Some people keep calling, like I would magically become free in a few seconds and be able to pick the second call. Some people are even stupid enough to send out an email copying the whole world saying, I tried to call but you didn’t answer. I wonder what they’re trying to achieve. Trying to embarrass someone into answering their phone. Or may be, they are just trying to say that they did their part by trying to call. Surely, people don’t think that we stare at our phone all day waiting to pick it up as soon as someone is calling. I’m ranting… it’s just that I wish that people would know when to stop.
Do you ever feel like you could be doing something more with your life? Somehow I’m getting this feeling a lot lately. It’s not that I’m frustrated with my life or my work. I’m actually happy and can’t remember the last time I’ve been this ok. But, may be that’s why I feel that this just may not be it. This may not be sustainable.
I’ve never really thought about long-term goals and my aim in life. Over the last few years, I’ve just lived from one day to the next and let nature take it’s course. I’ve made decisions when I’ve had to but, not necessarily working towards a goal. At this stage, I’m not so sure what my goal is. I’ve just been working and working and going through each day as it comes. I’m tired and I don’t know if I’m achieving anything other than paying my debts.
I’m not sure if I’ve managed to explain how I’m feeling but, it just feels like something’s missing. It feels like there’s something more I could be doing.
It’s been hectic and painful week. I have almost stopped writing my journal and my blog. I don’t seem to have the energy or the time and neither is a good thing. I think if I really wanted to make time I could. But, I get so tired and lazy.
So earlier this week, we had a fire drill and I ended having to climb down 25 floors. It wasn’t as gruesome as I thought it would be. Well, my legs were turning into jelly by the last 5 floors but we made it out. Chatting with my coworkers along the way helped as well. But…. the next day I woke up so sore. My legs ache like there’s no tomorrow and I can’t remember the last time I was in this much continuous pain. It’s day two now and the pain doesn’t seem to be getting better. I suppose it hasn’t helped much that I’ve been on my feet for most of these two days.
Who knew something that could save your life could end up making you feel way worse!
Anyway, it’s the weekend here for me and I’m looking forward to getting a some rest.
Yesterday, I sat and did something that I haven’t done in years. I actually made some New Year’s Resolutions. Now, I know I gave up making resolutions a while back because I never really worked on them and come March I would forget what I even resolved. Most of the times, it was things that were way beyond my control or things I knew I couldn’t change immediately. Yet I would list them anyway. Few weeks later, the list would seem so daunting and unbelievable that I would be glad I could just throw the list out.
But this year, I’ve decided to list some goals… which is just another way of saying I made some resolutions. I listed out 10 things I want to achieve this year but none of them are involve things like get that degree in Astrophysics or buy a ticket to Mars. I decided to write out things that are more achievable and that would make my life better.
For example, I wrote down… Travel. Something I didn’t do in the last two years. Now, instead of actually putting in a destination, a budget or timelines, I just wrote travel. For now it’s a vague goal and in a couple of months, I intend to build on it by setting smaller goals / tasks around it e.g., shortlist a few destinations, check out flights/ routes, etc. I have included monthly check-in’s on my calendar so I don’t forget to review them.
So there you have it… an easier, less daunting way to make New Year’s resolutions and keep them.