I am simply one of those people who attract an enormous amount of drama. And even when there doesn’t seem to be any drama, I put myself in situations where something is bound to happen. It’s like a bad TV show.
For the most part, I’ve come to accept this. Because even with the drama attached to life, I’ve done okay. However, sometimes it gets out of hand.
The last week or so has been like that. It’s just been an all consuming frenzy of nonsense. I’ve begun to question my life choices yet again and I realize that I’m not doing a very good job.
I’m not trying to be depressing but, sometimes we all need to take a hard look at our lives to figure out whether we are happy, whether we are content.
I know happiness is elusive for most people and I have learned to manage my expectations. It’s not that I don’t want to be rich and successful; who doesn’t? But, I also realize that I need to take one step at a time.
For me, luck has always been on my side when I’ve worked hard. I’m never one of those people who gets things handed to them. I’ve always had to earn what I have. Honestly, I wouldn’t want it any other way. There’s a certain satisfaction in working hard for what you want.
Lately though, I feel like even with the best of intentions, I can’t get to where I want. I feel like somehow along the way I made a lot of unconscious decisions that didn’t bode too well for me and I’m paying the price for it. I’d happily take back those decisions except I can’t.
Sometimes the choices we make can lead us down a path of complete failure. I’ve been trying not to admit this for the last few months. The only way to walk back what I’ve done, is to start with accepting defeat. I thought maybe if I didn’t accept it, I could turn it all around. But, that’s not how it works. You can’t live in denial thinking that you are doing something that you’re not. You have to accept that maybe things are not going to change. That may be the choices you made were completely wrong.
No one wants to believe that they’ve chosen the wrong goals in life. I didn’t want to either. I think a part of me still doesn’t want to believe that what I aspired to was wrong for me. I held on to my choices for too long and I can see it leading me down the path of disaster. When I know this, I need to accept it, cut my losses and rethink my goals. Not everyone is cut out to be everything and not everyone is perfect.
Right now I’m feeling lost. I was so sure that the goals I’d set for myself were the right ones. It will take some time and effort to get back on the right track. I still have hope.
Looking through a frosty window... 