Sometimes I’ll be fretting over something and wondering how on earth I will get out of a situation. Because I get so worked up, I out of doing anything about it. And then… out of no where things just have a way working themselves out. Then I realize not taking any action was probably the best thing I could do.
It’s been ages since I’ve written anything. Not just here, but anywhere. I’ve stopped blogging, stopped journaling, stopped everything I ever did in my spare time. It’s all because it seems that I have no spare time. I’m so overwhelmed with work and life; I have no time for myself or for any of the things that I enjoy doing. I’m even finding it hard to find time to breathe. I think about how my days go by… like one day just rolls into the next and I feel a little lost in between.
The last few days have been unusually busy with trying to wrap up work at my old job. I feel like it’s a race against time as I handover my clients to the other team members. I’ve still been doing my regular tasks as well and that has been a mistake. I have a week left and now it seems I have very little time. Ah well, I have to do what I have to do. People ask me why I’m still bothered to put in the extra hours. Well, I’m still the same person. My sense of responsibility has not gone away just because I have resigned. Plus, I really like my team mates and I want make sure that this transition is painless for them, not to mention my clients.
As the days get close, I’m getting more and more excited about my new job. It’s a totally different role from what I’ve been doing for the last 10 years… actually my entire job life. So it’s a bit of a shift in my career and while a bit scary, it’s also the kind of challenge I want to take on. I feel I haven’t taken many chances in my life where my career is concerned. May be it’s because I’m a woman, may be it’s because I’m a single mom. But, this time I did it, I’m trying to be brave, and I’m praying that it works out!
I took a very short break in between. Seemed like forever since I’d taken time off from work. Although this was no vacation because I had mainly taken time off to help a friend with recovery from surgery, it still felt good to be away from the daily stress of working and having to deal with my bosses.
On the flight back, I met an old friend. We had started out in the financial industry together. Soon after, he left the job and pursued various endeavors. We got to talking and I found out he was travelling to attend several conferences related to a couple of his various pursuits, one of which is related to comic books. Needless to say, I was impressed. I told him as much. I told him it is not easy to muster the courage to follow one’s passions and it’s admirable that he has done just that.
These days I look at my life and realize that there is not one thing I’m doing that I really like. I used to love my job and at some point I did feel like I was doing something worthwhile. Unfortunately, I don’t feel that way anymore. My job has become more a pursuit of sales targets and making the numbers rather than actually adding value to the client. What’s even sadder is that the attitude seems to prevail largely in the industry leading to clients also believing that what we do is not in their best interests. Maybe I’ve become cynical or maybe I’m just not in the best work environment but, the point is I would like to go back to doing something I love. I used to be passionate about this job that I do and possibly with the right institution I may be able to regain that.
However, it would seem like more and more I would like to try something different. Change my line of work to follow something else I may be passionate about. I haven’t thought it all the way through and I know that it will be something before I can make the change. I suppose it will just have to be work in progress.
“There is no passion to be found playing small – in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.” —Nelson Mandela
Sometimes I get really lost. Things happen unexpectedly in life and all you try to is make sense of it. It’s hard for me to not find meaning in things and chalk it up to… “shit happens!”
I’d like to believe that everything happens for a reason. So when something happens when you least expect it, probably the right thing to do is to accept it. But I can’t just be one to accept things…
It’s been a long and gruesome summer… and I’ve been totally out of touch with the blogging world. I have no excuses. I didn’t go away for the summer or travel. But rather spent my time working and filling in for people who did decide to travel. Temperatures have been soaring here in the UAE and at the end of each day I’m just too tired to getting around to doing anything.
I have however, done two things over the last couple of weeks.
Firstly, some reflection on my life and where I want to be. Since, it was my birthday in the last couple of weeks, it was naturally the time to sit and evaluate what I’ve done and what I should be doing. I think I’ve got some positive thoughts and plans for the future. Well, at least I didn’t get the birthday blues and all that reflection left me feeling hopeful. Sometimes, it makes sense to just stock of things you’ve accomplished. Even more so when you’re feeling low and don’t think that you’ve done much. Then sometimes, you just realise even the little accomplishments mean a lot.
Secondly, I’ve been reading quite a bit. Over the past few months, I managed to finish a good number of books. Well, at least, good by my standards. The books I read are
- The Class – Erich Segal
- The Great Gatsby – F. Scott Fitzgerald (finally!)
- The Old Man and The Sea – Ernest Hemingway
- Harry Potter and the Cursed Child (how could I not?!?!)
- Go Set a Watchman – Harper Lee (a tad disappointing, I have to admit)
- No Dream Is Too High – Buzz Aldrin (very easy read and I really enjoyed it)
I also started reading War & Peace. One of those big challenges that I’ve always been meaning to do but always put off. Well the bad news is, just 50 pages in I’ve put it off again. I have few more books lined up and I definitely want to make this the year of reading.
I hope everyone’s been well and having a happy summer. It’s back to school now and time for projects and books.
Until next time….
I had been feeling very lost and stuck. I don’t know how better to describe it. So I decided to take a break from writing. I probably didn’t want to talk about my problems and I really wasn’t in a place to write about anything else either.
Writing is supposed to be an avenue for release and for me it has been in the past. But this time, not so much. So I thought instead of trying to force myself to say things that I didn’t want to say or try to write about things I didn’t feel like, I should just stay quiet.
After what seems like a really long hiatus, I feel like writing again. Sometimes I do question whether writing a blog is of any use but then I realise I enjoy doing it. I enjoy reading what other poeple have to say and I hope someone out there will like reading what I have to say.
So what have I been doing in the past few weeks…since I haven’t been writing?
For one thing, I’ve been brooding a lot. I realize that I’m not very happy with my job. When I joined this job, I thought I would be doing at least a few exciting deals. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem that way anymore. I’m doing very basic, mundane work. Things I used to do 10 years ago. While it isn’t always a bad thing to go back to basics, I realize that I’m not really learning anything new. For me, that really sucks. I’m a person who just cannot sit still. So, it’s really annoying when I feel that I’m not adding any value with the knowledge I have and I’m not gaining anything either.
To fill the void, I have decided to focus on art again. It was one of my goals for the year. I used to be quite good at drawing and painting when I was teenager. And then I just gave it up because I didn’t have the time. Well, I’ve been out of practic so it’s taking sometime to get my creative juices flowing. I’m trying to be very patient. Here’s something very basic I did. I really hope I can keep it up and I hope I am back to blogging again.